So Out of IT

OK-being an adult in a teenage environment, you get used to the fact that "they" will always see you as grown up and uncool. I'm used to it and can handle it.

But yesterday one of my students said that his absent partner had their assignment (the downside to assigning group-work) so he couldn't turn it in. I said, "That's OK, just email him and remind him to bring it tomorrow."

The kid kinda half-laughed and said he wouldn't email him, but would most likely text him. A text!

Sheesh, I didn't think I was that out of it.

So Much Chard

Went to the farmer's market today for our weekly supply of produce. Turns out everyone is selling the same two things: chard and beets. I never knew there were so many leafy greens that were not lettuce.

We did find one farm selling bell peppers and tomatoes. Bought a bunch just so we could eat something that wasn't green.

Primal Blueprint- week 2

Rainbow chard- almost too pretty to eat!
Well, as of last week I had lost a total of 1.2 lbs, which made my week. Today, I'm up 1 lb. :( Froody suggests it's due to my weekend in Vegas (omg- it was so much fun!). And, if I think on it, I did happy hour with some friends last night (read: margarita with chips and salsa) before going to the gym (I wasn't drunk, but I didn't push myself as hard as I could have). Also, my muscles (all over) are tired and sore which means they are full of lactic acid, so I guess that 1lb gain is easily explained away.

My goal is to remain a bit more faithful to the primal way of eating this week. I'm also going to try to stay around 50g of carbs/day. Not so easy.

Anyway, part of our new eating habits includes local, organically grown foods. I'm surprised at how challenging that is. I mean, I live in California, the "promise land" of produce. We grow everything here!

But, it is "winter" time, even for us. A lot of fruits and veggies are not in season, so the ones available at the store (even at Whole Foods) are imported from Mexico and South America. So, sticking to our resolution means having to eat a lot of produce we didn't really eat before. Such as:

1. Chard, in all its colors
2. Beets- they do have a lot of carbohydrates, but they are in season. Their flavor is very earthy, but better than canned beets which had been my only beet experience. Note: golden beets are not as strong as red beets, but still beety.
3. Fennel bulbs
4. Mustard greens- I picked some up at a farmer's market because it looked like a small bouquet of yellow flowers and smelled nice. I thought it would be interesting to eat something with flowers.
5. Carrots- I guess they are always in season.
6. Spinach
7. Bok choy- adds a lot of texture to all those hardy, leafy greens.

That's about it for California winter foods. Not much selection. Honestly, I only get the beets to add some color to all those greens. Also why I like to get swiss chard- such a nice red.

It's going to be so nice when spring and summer get here and other veggies will be available again!

Fat and Ugly

That is how I feel right now, and how I've been feeling for a while. I know that those of you who know me are telling me how wrong I am, and that I'm not fat or ugly. And, as much as I appreciate your thoughts, they're not enough to counter the voices in my head.

In fact, I have my own voice telling me the same thing, but for some reason it isn't loud enough. Or, maybe I'm just not listening to it. I don't remember ever feeling this bad about myself, or having such little self esteem. Maybe when I weighed over 200lbs, but that was a long time ago.

My good voice ("Betty" I call her) does try to talk to me. For some reason I can't believe what she tells me. I know that to make her stronger I have to more attention to her and less to that critical voice. (I don't have a name for that bad voice.) That ugly, awful, hurtful voice that is so loud and strong. Betty is more quiet and loving. She's also patient. I think she knows that someday I'll listen to her more carefully and that I'll trust what she's saying. She's not going to push herself on my like the other voice.

I wish she would.

Maybe she doesn't want to take power from me, but is waiting for me to give it to her. Not like the other voice who forces herself on me and takes my power from me. It's strong now because I feel bad, and by feeling bad I'm vulnerable and unable to fight her off. :(

But I think writing this down is Betty's way of helping me put my feelings in order, because it reminds me that she is there and that she doesn't think I'm fat or ugly. She knows I'm not happy but believes that I am strong enough to see things through. She knows that things will get better. She reminds me that I am surrounded by people who love and support me and who think I am worthy of being happy and loved. She's waiting for me to love myself again. Like a seed in the desert, waiting for the rain to come wake it up so it can bloom.

Thinking of her makes me feel peaceful. I'm not fat or ugly in this moment. My rats are playing at my feet and my Froody is working next to me, happy to have me back home after my weekend away. The sun is even out, letting me see that my life is good and that I am good, too.

The Great Experiment, Week 1

OK, so this was my first week on the Primal Blueprint. I continued going to my Crossfit gym (3x this week!) and even did an extra walk early in the week. I hope to go on another short walk today.

I feel OK for the most part. I have been greeting the days with a slight tummy ache, mostly after a heavy dinner (that coconut and veggie curry was ssssooooo good, I couldn't help myself). Today (Saturday) is the worst: slight dizziness and moody tummy. I had breakfast anyway, but the yuckiness hasn't abated. :( According to Mark's book it's not unusual to feel crappy for the first 2-3 weeks. This morning's funny tummy (NO, I am NOT pregnant you guys, sheesh) could stem from a couple of things: overall change in diet, slightly acidic dinner (veggies in tomato sauce. also yummy), and my first school happy hour in a while (1.5 beers, french fries). So, who can say??

Anyway, just wanted to make a list of some of the changes I did this week:
1. cut back on carbs- Before reading the book, I had already cut out or cut back on a lot of grain-based foods, mainly pasta and rice. I did have the occasional slice of bread and would have a bowl of whole grain cereal/granola for breakfast.

2. cut back on sugar- I had cut out artificial sweeteners over a year ago, which meant using real sugar in my coffee. I was using 2 tbsp of sugar per 16oz of coffee *gasp*. But, I'm down to 1 tbsp per 20oz. Yay, me!

3. cut back on veggies and fruit- The book says that if you really want to lose fat, you should have 50-100g of carbs a day. This past week I cut back on the amount of veggies and fruits I normally eat, meaning I eat a little less volume. Surprisingly, I survived. :)

4. eat more healthy fats- Well, what helped with the reduction in the amount of foods was probably eating more fats, like cooking with butter, snacking on nuts, adding avocado to eggs and salads, and using heavy cream in my coffee.

5. no soda- No, not even diet soda. I did buy some sparkling water and lemon, which seem to help. Also, just plain ice water and lemon really hit the spot on those occasions when I really needed a soda.

6. learning to stop- I'm still having a hard time with this. Mark says to stop eating once you stop feeling hungry. I like the way my food tastes, so I want to eat it all, even if I'm no longer hungry and feel full. But, what I've learned from the book is that if I'm hungry later on, I can eat again. Amazing! No one's every said that to me before. Of course, lots of you are probably saying, "No, duh", but I never looked at food that way before. So, this week I'm going to concentrate on stopping when I feel satisfied, knowing I can eat a little later if I have to.

The result of this week is that I've lost 0.6lbs, 0.3% body fat, and my BMI went down by 0.1. I think that's pretty good.

What Will Power!

Didn't even know I had it in me! There's been leftover Christmas candy, cookies, and cake in the staff room all day. Even chocolate, and I didn't have any of it. :)

Man, if I don't lose weight this week, it's not my fault! I'm being so good!

Primal Blueprint- Day 3

What a happy fruit bowl! The fennel actually lives the fridge, but wanted to have it's picture taken. Oh, and the pineapple is from the grocery store, not the farmer's market.

Today, Froody and I went to the farmer's market. The author of Primal Blueprint is big on organic, locally grown foods. (As are a lot of other authors and environmentalists, etc. We think it's a pretty good way to go. Of course, it helps that we live in California where we grow everything.) We're definitely fortunate to live in a place that has a few farmer's markets a week with lots of variety. Ours also has folks who sell locally caught wild fish and locally raised chicken, eggs, and beef. We brought our full (reusable canvas) bags home and managed to find a place for all that produce. Our large wooden bowl looks awesome, full of luscious, colorful fruits and vegetables. Don't you feel healthier just looking at it?

The next step is....what to do with all that stuff! We bought some veggies we don't normally eat, like the fennel bulb, bok choy, and some rainbow chards. So for lunch I did our fallback cooking method: throw everything in a pan and cook it up. I heated up about 2 tsp of olive oil, 1 tbsp of butter, and some pine nuts. Chopped up a fennel bulb and a couple of baby bok choys and some swiss chard for color (another "new" veggie, from last week's purchase). Tossed them all in. Once they softened up I added in some chopped garlic and a couple of tsp's of seasame oil. Then, I chopped and threw in the leftover pork tenderloin from last night's dinner. And, some salt and pepper. Froody and I really liked it.

Man, is there anything olive oil, butter, and garlic can't do??

*******
Ok, so if I'm going to follow the Primal Blueprint, I have to do this right, right? That meant getting on the scale and calculating my lean body mass. I'll tell you right now, it's not pretty. But, if you want to at least have a guideline as to how much you should be eating, you need to know. Mark does say to leave it to your own appetite to tell you what's what, but I know from personal experience that that will only make me fatter. :( It's hard for me to eat only when I'm hungry. I just like food too much. :)

Anyway, according to the Primal Blueprint, since I want to lose weight, my goal is to eat less than 100g of carbs a day (from fruit and veggies, no grains, bread, pastas, etc.) and about 100g of proteins. I'll admit that I don't eat nearly that much protein in a day, so while I'll be eating less produce, I'll be eating more meats and healthy fats. I'm going to try it for January and let you know how it goes.