Toto, Where Are We?

Ok, so I've been at this new school for a month now. I'm just trying to make it from one day to the next, celebrating each week's end.

Only 8 months to go then hello summer!

Anyway, it's a different school alright. First of all, the class time is longer so I've had to make adjustments to my pacing. Also, that means no more days of just lecture-- it's too much for them and for me.

This also means that it takes less time to cover the material.

Speaking of lectures, it's kind of neat to say, "get ready for notes" and see 80% of the kids not only take notes, but get their papers set up for Cornell notes. Amazing.

However, this school, which is very good, doesn't have a special day class.

I think this year is the first time the STAR scores have been broken down into groups (ethnic and socio-economic) which really offended some of the teachers.

But, the staff is awesome. They are so supportive of me and all the other new teachers. I'm not expected to head the department (no one wants it) or any field trips this year. And, if I do one differentiated lesson, then I win. :-)

We also have a lot of TGIFs.

But the cincher.... as a staff, we are learning the Thriller dance to perform at lunch time on Halloween. Yup, at this school, everyone gets dressed up.

Overall, seems like good times.

Back to School

Yup, back in the saddle again, as the song says. I feel just like a first year teacher and those of you who teach know exactly how SUCKY a feeling that is.

I feel like I have no bottom, that I'm falling and all I can do is hope to land on my feet. Over and over again.

I feel like I have no past, just newness in front of me. I don't know why all my past experience has left me. I guess taking a year off from work will do that.

I have to learn again. Where to put the projector. How to make copies. How to grade papers. How to pass papers back. How to talk to students. How to open up a can of whoop-ass. So much learning.

I don't like my kids. But, I never like them before Thanksgiving (sometimes Christmas, sometimes Spring Break).

Things keep popping up. A bunch of "oh, yeah" moments.

I keep wondering if someone's parent is going to call me out on something. I wonder if my contract will be renewed next year. Why am I thinking all these negative thoughts? I need to give myself permission to mess up and realize that when I do (no "if" about it) the world will not end.

A part of me is cringing, curled up in a ball and won't let me help myself. Won't let me be positive about teaching again, about learning how to challenge those in my classroom, won't let me enjoy the other happy staff members.

I don't know why I can't just relax and breathe. But, writing this out has made me feel a bit better.

For now, at least.